Becoming a parent is a daunting process for you as the mum and there is a lot of focus on that and the mothers mental health, but what about dad’s, there probably just as nervousness if not more than what is mums are, cause not only are they preparing for the baby they are preparing just incase you need to be looked after.

My husband has been more than helpful throughout my pregnancy when I was terribly poorly, and just being a good dad to our daughter. It’s only when speaking to other mums that I realise my husband may do more than some dad’s, he will change her, feed her, look after her on his own, all things I though were equal jobs in today society seem not to be the case.

But when thinking about my husband after our baby it makes me thing about how the love I feel for him has changed. I’ve always known that I love him and that he was ‘my person’ but it’s only when I look at Olivia I realise how much love I have for him. Only it’s different now, we used to have date night every Thursday were we would go out, but this is now replaced with trying to get Olivia to sleep early enough for us to watch some television in peace together without one of us falling asleep, it’s catching them five minutes together after getting her to sleep and him waking up for work… But you know what I wouldn’t change it.

We now have to work harder for our precious time together but when we do we laugh harder, smile longer, and appreciate more.

We should all just appreciate our husbands because all though there not their to wipe every nappy, deal with every tantrum and feed them every bottle.

They are there to reassure us that we are doing a good job, to give us a roof over our heads because maternity pay is nothing, and they love us unconditionally, they also sit there and listen whilst we moan.

I love my husband and Olivia loves her daddy 😍

So 3 weeks into being a mum Olivia just stopped feeding, she would cry for food I’d give it to her she would either point blank refuse or she would throw everything she had, had back up.
I felt awful, I felt like I was a terrible mum and that I wasn’t good enough for being a mum, I took her to the doctor’s, they sent us to the hospital and they said nothing was wrong and to go home. I went home but nothing improved, took her back when you the hospital finally listen, she was treated for sepsis, and was told she could be cow’s milk intolerant. She’s now 12 weeks old she’s still sick after every feed even though she’s on similiac.

So I had just got over her having that finally felt I had got being a mum under control, I was starting to feel comfortable, then..

Just this week at 12 weeks 2 days she just came out if hospital after having bronchiolitis. She has a really snotty nose, a bad cough and was struggling to feed, so much so she ended up having to have a NG tube. She’s home now still not 100%, but she is self feeding again.

My issue is I see things in Facebook like oh my baby has never been poorly, my baby is always well, and this makes me feel like I’m failing Olivia because she’s been in hospital twice already, but I sterilise all her bottles, I clean all her clothes after every wear, she’s bathed or washed everyday, she’s fed to her requirements, she’s not lost any weight. But to see her so poorly and knowing she’s unwell makes me feel like a bad mum. I have also been told because bronchiolitis effects the chest and that her dad has asthma she’s more likely to have it. I just feel so bad and don’t know what else I could do.

What I have learnt with my 12 weeks if being a first time mum;

1. It’s stressful, the constant worry of weather you are doing things, as this tiny person who you are now responsible for came with zero instructions.
2. It’s hardwork, from labour to healing. From feeding to sleeping it requires, mental strength, determination and time. As new as it is for you, it is for them.
3. It’s tiring, from the 3 hour feeding through the night, to have a baby constantly connected to you. It’s both physically and mentally exhausting.
4. It’s a battle of emotions, although you are always filled with love for this little person, it can be overwhelming, scary, happy, sad and frustration, a. Because of the lack of sleep and b. Because you feel like you are going around in circles to try and resolve what’s wrong, but that sense of accomplishment when you do.
5. Loneliness, for me the people who were there throughout my pregnancy who said they were so excited for her arrival slowly disappeared, they stop replying to texts or asking you our places, or automatically assume your busy for me this last week I have struggled with this the most.
6. Responsibility, being responsible for feeding, clothing, caring and changing this little baby who can’t do anything for themself is massive but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
7. The sense of purpose, for me I finally felt I had a purpose, although I was a wife and a graduate the is no greater feeling of purpose than having a child.
8. Sheer love, never have I ever and I don’t think I ever will love anyone as much as I love my child, no matter what I will always love her with every ounce of my being.

I know everyone doesn’t always feel the same and people feel more or less of these but for me these are the things in the last 12 weeks I have felt the most.

I love being a mum, I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather be than my daughter’s mum.

Love

V.E.M

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Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton